youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
