So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
