Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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