dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
