She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
