I'm so fucking centered right now
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
