take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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