please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
