I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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