my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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