Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
