Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Drake has all the answers
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize