Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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