i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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