Buhtt sex?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
