is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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