I'm passing your future prison.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
