Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
