i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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