he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
