P.S. I can't hear my feet
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
