She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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