Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
how drunk are you?
Several
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
