I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
