glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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