She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
