maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
