So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
