How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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