i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
