4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
