Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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