I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
