Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize