Cold hands, warm shart.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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