did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
