my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
