Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
