Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
