O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
