I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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