Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
