im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize