Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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