Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
