yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
