so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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