Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
