FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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