Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
