how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
