'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
