I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
