my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The Olympian is in my bed
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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