mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
