I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You ate ashes out of my bong
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
