I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
