i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
