your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
