My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
