My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
