the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
