last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
