tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
