i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
