What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
