My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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