in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
PANTIES FOUND
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