i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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