So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize