Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
