So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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