On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
