You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
