I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
