I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Congratulations! We have a period
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