Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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