you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
