there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
