saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
