I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
