My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I am full of burrito and curiosity
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
