i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
