It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Can i not drive my cunt home
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize