It's Friday. Sex?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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