I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize