I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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