There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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