no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize