Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
