In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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