I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
