Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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