yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
