Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
