it was like his penis was on wheels.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
