i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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