So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
