All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
