Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
