spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
